Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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