Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
