Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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