Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
