she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
