in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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