woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
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We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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