How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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