I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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