wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
