Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
