I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
