You made me cry and you don't even care
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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