cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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