You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just want nice things and good sex
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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