4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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