i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
