Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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