Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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