What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
