Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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