Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Your dad touched me again.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
