Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
