I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
