Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
