Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
