Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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