When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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