I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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