Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
