I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
