I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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