Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
