My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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