tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
