You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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