I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
