I'm passing your future prison.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
