I'm so fucking centered right now
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
