Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
