I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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