So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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