idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
