Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
