is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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