His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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