I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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