he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
