we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
