How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
