The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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