I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
