You made me cry and you don't even care
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
