the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So. Much. Porn.
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