I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
