I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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