Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
