He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
