i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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