Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She's like a pop up book from hell.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
