If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
