now i know why i became what i already was.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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