i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
