The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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