I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
