Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
